WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
