some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
