your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
