Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm at about main and main street
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So much rum. So many feels.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize