I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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