It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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