ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
