First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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