Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
