My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
