He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
