im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
