If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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