Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize