Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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