No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
