bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
How external is "for external use only"?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
