no, he came in my armpit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
