In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
