She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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