Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
