he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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