Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
