you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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