I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
