He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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