According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
