3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
