He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
