i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
send nudes
from the living room?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize