Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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