at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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