Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
