I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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