i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
