guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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