hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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