Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
