Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
