the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
