I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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