so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
