i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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