The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
