I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
