Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
