i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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