I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
