she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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