well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
