please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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