Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize