just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
