Can Purell be used as lube?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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