yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
