bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
