hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
