no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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