I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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