girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
