you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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