Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
