I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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