She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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