This girl is more easily done than said...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
