just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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