actually, I'm a sock model
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
