New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize