i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
