You really coming over, don't trick.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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