Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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