hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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