i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
