You don't have asthma, your pregnant
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
