I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
