fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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